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Your Minnesota Wild?

Deep in the bowels of the stately but unpretentious EHEC league headquarters, in a sub-basement three flights of stairs down from an unmarked door in the lobby, over and through a hallway blockaded by a concerning stockpile of moldering fertilizer from a previous regime, there is an unused washroom with a locked supply closet, on the doors of which there is a poster advising 'to beware of the leopard' but within contains the last of the fleet of 'official' EHEC fax machines purchased wholesale in 2009 and then never pressed into widespread use as the obvious appeal of email and amusing full-colour scans of various bodyparts became immediately apparent to the entire cadre of General Managers around the league.

Still, there is a fax machine down there and it did received a small flurry of transmissions in January, as our masked journalist/luchador was able to uncover, reprinted here:

The first: "I'mm back,'
Second: "Shit, sorry -- 'I'm back.'"
Third: "Zaq. This is Zaq by the way. From the time with the thing."
Fourth: "You know what, I'll send an email, that's better, let's try an email. This is a dumb bit."
Full story

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SCOREBOARD
Colorado Avalanche 3 Anaheim Ducks 2 Box
New York Rangers 3 Boston Bruins 2 Box
Buffalo Sabres 3 Carolina Hurricanes 5 Box
Arizona Coyotes 3 Dallas Stars 4 Box
San Jose Sharks 3 Edmonton Oilers 2 Box
Tampa Bay Lightning 2 Florida Panthers 3 Box
Calgary Flames 3 Winnipeg Jets 2 Box
Columbus Blue Jackets 2 Philadelphia Flyers 4 Box
Nashville Predators 3 St. Louis Blues 3 Box
President's Trophy Race
Team GP W L T PTS W% GF GA
Montreal Canadiens 724517101000.694268187
Chicago Blackhawks 71412010920.648232191
San Jose Sharks 7241229910.632227178
Pittsburgh Penguins 7242246900.625259205
Los Angeles Kings 70382111870.621229204
Tampa Bay Lightning 7239258860.597229200
Art Ross Trophy Race
Player GP G A PTS +/- PIM
Cole Perfetti 72353772-414
Rick Nash 653636722158
Ilya Kovalchuk 723635712440
Tyler Seguin 70313970210
Matt Duchene 71284270-2062
Andrei Svechnikov 72303868-448
STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS
Dallas Stars
Pacific Division
Martin Brichta

Regular Season
46-28-2-6

Playoffs
16-9
ART ROSS TROPHY
Vladimir Tarasenko
San Jose Sharks
Pacific Division

Games: 82
Goals: 45
Assists: 49
Points: 94
MAURICE RICHARD TROPHY
Matt Duchene
Florida Panthers
Southeast Division

Games: 82
Goals: 48
Assists: 36
Points: 84

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